Have you ever thought "this has to be a mistake"? To be honest with you, I have had that thought far too many times. There are those times when you open your mail to find that bill you didn't expect or even remember, or a notice that the job you expected to come through just vanished. It could have been that day you found out that your child or spouse has a sickness or disability, or that your are hit with the realization that someone you trusted has now turned on you. It could also be that day you are informed that you have to head up a project at your work that is far outside of your experience and comfort zone and your fear is that if you foul this up it could mean your job. It seems so strange that your immediate response is that this has to be a bad mistake. There is simply no way on this earth that this is possible! I'm sure that if you are over 20 years old you can remember where you were when you heard of the attack on 9/11 in New York. How could this happen here in America? Sometimes we are hit with this same shock on a more personal level and the only response you can think of is that it's a mistake. Then after the shock wears off you are hit with that horrible reality that it did in fact happen. How are we supposed to respond? How do we find the strength to deal with a new reality that we did not plan for?
Now, even though I'm a pastor and I've been in the ministry for a long time, I can still find myself with this response. How could this happen and or why did this happen? I can go back to a day that I believed that God was telling me to do something so out of my comfort zone that I said out loud "you have made a big mistake!". Yes, I did in fact say that to the almighty. I was already in the ministry serving as a youth pastor. I had recently ruptured my ACL in my left knee and was on crutches. I was scheduled to preach in a few days and I had asked one of our church members to sing a special song that went perfectly with my message. He was not able to find the music and said that he felt he could not do the song. I didn't and don't sing solos and I'm also not trained at all in music. In my frustration I called a local music store and asked if they had the background tape for this song. They checked and asked what key I wanted it in. Right! I told them I had no idea, it wasn't for me to sing and just please hold it for me in the original key. I wanted to say in my frustration, "What's a key?" but I restrained myself. So, I went and picked up the tape and returned home to fix my lunch. While preparing my lunch I decided to play the tape. Such a strong sense of God's presence came over me that all I could do was weep like a child while I listened to the song. What transpired over the next hour was nothing short of me arguing with God. Yes, arguing. I felt God telling me to sing this song! I had never sung a solo in my life! I would choke up and freeze up at just the thought. A standing joke between me and a friend that worked with me with the youth was that he would sing and I would teach and never the two should cross. I was good with that arrangement. I paced back and forth in my house on that bad knee so much that it swelled up like a melon. A few of the lines of argument went something like this. One was that He challenged me with the fact that I could preach for others to trust Him but in this one act I was not willing to. Then later He told me that if anyone else did it, it would not have the same effect. In the end I felt Him telling me that I either did this or I was to get out of the ministry. My response you might ask? "That's not fair!"
So, I called up my friend and asked him to meet me up at the church and told him it was an emergency. He came up and I told him my story and he told me to put the tape in and sing it. I said, "Now?" He just looked at me and said yes of course now! So, with the greatest of fears I sang the song knowing that he was going to bail me out and tell me that he would do it for me. He just looked across my office and said that it was a little high for me but that I should do it. Are you kidding me?!!! I was in shock! My dearest friend was not going to get between me and God and bail me out. Guess he was smarter than I was as I was frantic looking for my escape route.
Fast forward 10 days and I did that song at the end of my message. I was so petrified while singing that song that I could not look at anyone and my mouth was as dry as cotton. I have to say that it was shocking to both me and everyone in the room that I closed with that song. I was scheduled to preach again that night and everyone was asking me if I was going to sing again. Thankfully I was able to tell them "no". One of the girls in my youth group came up to me and hugged me and said, "it would not have had the same effect if anyone else had done it". It was the exact same words I felt God telling me in my home a few days earlier. I just took a deep breath and told her she had really blessed me beyond what she realized. If you are wondering, no I did not take up music and no, I don't lead worship at our church. Then why is this story relevant and what difference did it make. I believe that God had to push me beyond my comfort zone because in a few short years He was going to challenge me again with becoming a pastor. I needed to grow in my trust of Him. You see, trusting God means you have to do just that. Trust Him. Trust in fact means that you are not in control and that it will take trust to get you beyond your current situation. When your situation feels like one big mistake it will take trust to get you through. Making sure you are trusting in the right thing becomes vitally important wouldn't you think?
Many times in our lives we are faced with a stressful situation that we respond with "This just has to be a mistake". After that initial shock wears off, how we move forward, and we have no choice but to move, will determine success or failure. One thing I am totally sure of is that God is in fact God and that nothing catches Him off guard or by surprise. He is in fact sovereign, answers to no one and also has our best interest in mind because He loves us. He will never gives us more than we can handle even though at times it may feel like we can't handle it. I'm sitting here in front of my fireplace with some coffee on the table writing about things I have experienced in my life. Will this help anyone other than me? Is this what God really wants me to do or is this self imposed pressure? Time will tell and actually it's all in God's hands anyway. So, here we go and I do hope and pray that someone will find some encouragement to trust in the God that loves us more than we know or can comprehend. That somehow these stories will help someone not make the mistakes I've made and that some of the supposed mistakes will actually prove to be stepping stones to greater experiences in this life. Maybe I will find the courage to write more of these stories, I can only hope you will not find reading this material to be a mistake.
May you be blessed of God and may His grace sustain you in every situation you find yourself in.
Paul Henry
